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Friday, May 28, 2004
Pissed
Posted by Lis Riba at 6:55 PM
 Angry, not drunk, though sorely tempted towards the latter. And I'm using the above title, because somehow I think it's a little to impolitic to write about my former employer under the heading Bastards, those fucking bastards! Which was my first impulse. As you may have guessed, I have just returned from cleaning out my cubicle. Physical objects at least. The problem was, when I was escorted out the door, I was told that I'd be able to copy any personal files off the computer when came back to clean out the cube. So I brought an external hard drive with me, expecting (as promised) to be able to back it all up and be done with everything once and for all. Booted up the machine, tried to log in -- my account has been disabled. Went to the folks from HR to point this out, and she said "Oh no, you can't have access to your machine to copy the files yourself; call IT on Tuesday and tell the head of IT which files you need (because he's already left for the weekend), and he can burn you a CD." Well, I can't fucking name all the files off the top of my head, nor do I really want somebody else pawing through my personal material. It's an "I know it when I see it" deal for me, but I could still probably download it all in under a half-hour and remove all my personal files from anybody else's sight, without taking one single thing that would harm the company. I am furious. I was explicitly told when I was escorted out the door that I would be allowed all my files. I was given to understand that I'd be under observation while copying them, to ensure I didn't take anything I wasn't entitled to, but that I would be driving the computer. I was not told of the situation as HR described it, nor did I agree to it. [What's more, I set security on many of the files for only the ERIBA account, not even local admin, so I'm not even sure the IT director will be able to access them without my login.] I'm really livid at the way this company treats ex-employees as potential criminals in this manner. I'll confess, I was briefly tempted to take apart the machine and grab the hard drive, and tell them they could keep my paltry one-week's severance in exchange. But, I'm not quite that stupid nor angry nor impulsive. But I am tempted. You know, despite all the great software at Lotus (and yes, they did produce great software), I really didn't pirate any of it. Because Lotus respected its employees and had an employee discount purchase program. So, I got the software legitimately, and the company still made money off it. This company doesn't offer employee discounts on its software, and in teaching myself the software, I coded such things as (frex) an automated form for transferring comments left on LJ. Which I guess I'll have to bid farewell to without the application. I am so thankful that my gut reaction while I was gathering my belongings on Wednesday was to FTP my Lotus Organizer file (which has my calendar and addresses going back nearly a decade) up to my dad's server before shutting down the computer. Because if I lost that, I'd be well and truly screwed. Still, now I've got to wait until Tuesday to even talk to somebody about making arrangements to get my files (which will include scheduling another visit to the office during business hours), and somehow have to persuade them to give me access to my own things, and the fact that I want to send them obscenity-laced emails calling them liars probably isn't helping the matter. 
Temptations
Posted by Lis Riba at 4:56 PM
To keep my sanity, I'm going to try to treat myself to onething nice each week. [All my excursions yesterday cost only $2.50 in T tokens and a payphone call.] Today, Ian and I went to a Chinese lunch buffet I had heard good things about, but I found it rather disappointing. Oh yeah, our fortune cookies:
Next weekend, of course, is the premiere of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Normally, I see most movies at matinees or second run theaters anyway, but in this case I think I'm going to splurge on the opening night line party, even though tickets there are about twice what I normally pay for movie tickets. And I just saw another incredible temptation scheduled for the following weekend. The Boston Gay Men's Chorus presents British Invasion: the songs of Elton John and Queen. Maybe I'll get a ticket in the $12 cheap seats. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to arrive at work to clean out my desk in a half hour. Almost two hours ago, Ian took the car to drop off bartending resumes at some of the restaurants on Main Street. He's still not back, and I'm starting to get seriously time stressed. Want him around to make sure we have the car cleared out and enough boxes and computer storage for My Documents. With driving time, probably only have about fifteen minutes and I don't know where the hell he is. Every time Dave has been opening the downstairs door, I find myself calling out to see whether it's Ian. I don't know why, but I feel suddenly concerned about what to wear when cleaning out my cubicle (since we're going to Shabbos dinner afterwards) and wishing Ian had been around to get any phone calls so I would've had time to take a shower this afternoon. Does it show that I'm feeling incredibly stressed right now? I suppose I'll stop writing this post and resume pacing or whatever...
The rest of yesterday
Posted by Lis Riba at 9:50 AM
Since my last visit to the Athenaeum, the guards have gone from just glancing at one's membership card to actually scanning it with a device that shows whether one's membership is active. So I didn't manage to scam my way into the stacks. So, instead, I walked into the State House and wandered around. Took a brief look at the State Library (sadly, mostly closed stacks, though I did find the 1913 book of laws passed that year, just to look at that clause on marriages to nonresidents that's so much in the news), slipped into the viewing galleries for the House and Senate. [The House was empty; a lighted sign said recess until 2pm, but it was well after 2 and the chamber was still empty. The Senate was full, chamber and galleries, so I didn't stick around.] BTW, the Senate President's office has a really nifty stained glass on its front door. Walked thru the Commons and Public Gardens on my way to BPL. At the Swan Pond, I was nearly attacked by an angry mother duck. Just flew at me, beak open -- and at that point, I was nowhere near the four little puffballs that I presume were her ducklings. At the BPL, I first headed up through the original building to the majestic Bates Hall reading room. And I quickly realized that this wasn't what I needed. Wandered down to the courtyard and sat in the cool watching the fountain. I think I finished the book I brought with me in there (I was near the end, anyway). But that still wasn't giving me the right vibes. Finally, I went into the new building and lost myself browsing in the stacks. And that allowed me to forget the outside world for a while. Went through the new book shelves. Checked the British Royal history and Marlowe sections for anything new which grabbed me. Skim-read several books that intruiged me, but that I didn't feel like checking out. Kept wandering to the OPAC to see where other books might be (I have an innate sense of DDC locations, but aside from a few sections, need to look up most LC numbers). BTW, two new features at the BPL: (1) They've opened up a restaurant and cafe inside the library. If I weren't out of work and concerned about money, the restaurant (named Novel) serves a yummy-sounding afternoon tea overlooking the courtyard. (2) In the lobby of the new building, they had an art exhibit from MIT that disturbed me. Two "bedrooms" constructed entirely from discarded books. Here's the website on the project. Despite a flyer explaining the acceptability of "building with books," some of the pieces which rendered books unusable, such as this chain and the bookcase, really disturbed me. I rather liked the bench, made entirely from old journals of the ACM (in use), because it almost looked dual-functional, and the reading lamp did a nice rainbow effect with book covers. My only other complaint about the BPL is that I didn't see any really comfy chairs for reading. I'll have to get those from the local libraries. In the end, I did wind up checking out two books, Jessamyn West's Revolting Librarians Redux and one of the titles from my Marlowe list that I hadn't found elsewhere. [I wanted Nancy Pearl's Book Lust: Recommended Reading for Every Mood, Moment, and Reason sounded potentially useful as well, but all copies were checked out. And I made a note of several other titles that I was pretty sure I could get from the local library.] I've got to make sure reading doesn't take over my life, as it's all too easy to lose myself in books to the detriment of the real world -- and I have a lot that needs my attention. But I must also keep in mind that it's the library stacks which provide comfort. (Bookstores are an adequate substitute, I suppose.) I may start making regular trips to the library to recharge, giving myself both the exercise and outdoorsiness of a walk and the restorative benefits of the library. "Libraries have always been home to me. They have seemed not inhibiting, not scary, but veritable lighthouses of Utopian order and generosity amid the clutter and ignorance and selfishness of so much of the life that is lived in this world."
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Afternoon update
Posted by Lis Riba at 12:41 PM
I don't know why, but I suddenly feel a need to declare that I will not be dying my hair blue, like I did after my last job loss. I have been thinking about re-coloring my hair, but only if I have a stable employment situation with an employer who wouldn't mind. Hope this doesn't disappoint anyone out there. You can still look at all the old photos if you miss the look. Meanwhile, I'm going to take Lis's advice from my earlier post (funny how everybody I know with that name has been surprisingly intelligent and worth listening to) and get out of the house for the afternoon. Hey, it's actually sunny outside. I think I'm going to wander in and among the libraries of Boston, since I've noticed over and again that I find solace and comfort in libraries. So I'm going to wander about Boston for the afternoon, I think. Wander into the BPL, possibly into the Athenaeum. [My membership expired, but I still have my library card to flash to the guards. So I could hang out there, but not check anything out.] And maybe I'll go to the playground after school is out to enjoy the swings...
Welcome to the duck pond
Posted by Lis Riba at 11:20 AM
In the end, I did take a short (~half-hour) nap, interrupted by a phone call from (former)work. I'll now be picking up my stuff from work tomorrow night after business hours. Much better. Apparently, they forgot it was the long weekend. Hey, Mystery House folks? Ian and I may be a little late to Shabbos dinner. Feel free to start without us, as this really can't wait. Normally when I go out for walks, I go to one of two playgrounds in the neighborhood which have swingsets. I've just realized to my dismay that I can't actually go to my preferred playground because, well, it's right next to an elementary school and will probably be used for recess or somesuch. And I don't want to take the equipment away from the kids who they are intended for, nor draw too much attention to myself. Meanwhile, here are two LJ posts that have cracked me up in the last several weeks that I've been looking for places to share. First, a hysterical review of Troy by a student of classical history. Spoilers, but incredibly funny, catty one. Secondly, follow the first link on this entry for a publicity still with an incredibly poorly chosen camera angle. Oh, and if you're into novel-length fanfics, the story everybody's reading and praising this week is A Thousand Beautiful Things, and I have to agree with all the reviewers that it's an amazing piece of work. PS: Thanks to Atrios for the reminder that I'm hardly alone in this. New jobless numbers have been released for the week. [Title for this entry comes from an anonymous Eschaton commenter. For those not getting the significance, 18 months ago a Wall Street Journal editorial called low income Americans "lucky duckies" because of their reduced tax burden compared to wealthier taxpayers.]
Sigh
Posted by Lis Riba at 10:01 AM
Right now, I would really like to crawl back under the covers and go back to sleep. The house is cold, Ian's still in the warm bed... And logically, there really is nothing stopping me from doing that. There's no place I have to be today, nothing that absolutely has to get done. Just a lot of self-imposed shoulds. It feels like it's only my innate sense of responsibility (and stubbornness) that's keeping me sitting at this computer, rather than doing just that. Part of me feels like "I just had something crappy happen to me, I want to reward myself" by blowing things off for a day. And part of me feels like there's no time to waste; I can't afford to slack or build up any bad habits. So am I being productive by staying here, or am I just making myself miserable and punishing myself... Sigh... Oh, and I noticed on SiteMeter logs that somebody from work looked at my blog, apparently by Googling on my name. Kinda disturbing that I recognize the company's IP address on sight by now. I wonder who it was and what they thought about what they read. It happened about 7:46 in the morning, which is coincidentally, the same time I woke up from the dream I described in my previous entry. Well, hello whoever you are. Feel free to introduce yourself!
Bad dreams
Posted by Lis Riba at 8:40 AM
By the way, I just want to thank everybody who's commented on my posts here or in LJ for being so sweet and supportive. It really means a lot. Some friends invited us over for a home-cooked dinner last night and treated us to ice cream. Thank you very much. Just woke up from a dream in which I was still working at <now former employer>, but I (and everybody else) knew it was my final day. Being let go like a normal company, with advance notice and all. I was working a normal phone shift, 8:30am - 1pm, and the phone calls were going swimmingly. I was just breezing thru the issues, because, well, I'm just that good with most technical problems. [I really am! I have an intuition about these matters where I can notice a minor discrepancy, make a nonobvious leap, and correctly diagnose problems weird in ways the usual straightforward approach wouldn't pick up upon. It's one of my strengths in tech support and QA.] And then, it's like 5 minutes of 1 and the phone rings. I could just let the call ring through for one of the other techs to take, but what the heck. All my other calls went so well... Nope, it turned into the call from hell. Not one of the dealers with the really complex technical demands, but somebody with weird arcane problems with our library product that they've customized so much that it's nearly unrecognizable from my end. A seemingly simple, trivial issue that only proves thornier the more one delves into it. Did I ever mention that the cafeteria stops serving at 1:30? Meaning that if you're on a morning phone shift and a call runs long, you risk missing any chance of a hot meal. Well, 1:30 passed and I was still on the phone with this customer. It got near 2 o'clock, and I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't resolve the issue, nor could I get the customer off the phone. Finally, when I tried to put him on hold I accidentally disconnected the customer. Looked at the clock and realized it was 2:35. I signed off the phones, finished writing up the ticket and was just about to head off to the bathroom when I heard the phone ringing again. I heard Juan pick it up, and it was that same customer, asking for me. He noticed me slinking off to the bathroom and covered for me, continuing the call, saying I "wasn't at my desk" and how could he help the customer. Besides, it was the kind of call that would need the customer to send files, with research on support's end, and a fair bit of the kind of back and forth that would take a long while. And, well, I wouldn't be around to do any of that, since this would be my last day, and I still had to finish cleaning out my cube. Still, I felt upset for somehow letting the customer down and annoyed at myself for doing the responsible thing and taking that one last call so close to the end of my phone shift, even though I could've just let somebody else take it. Sigh... It was on those paired negative emotions that I woke up. That's one aspect of this job that I won't miss. Ah well, time to slay the dragons. I've got to update my resume to change the dates on my current job. [Anybody who wants to give me some resume critiques, please be my guest. Right now, I've only got a functional resume, because, well, I really haven't done anything on this job that doesn't duplicate my former jobs.] I've actually seen several job listings that look viable, including one at a company that a former coworker landed at. I've been trying to get her contact info, so I can talk to her about that opening directly, rather than going through the "slush pile." So, I've got cover letters to write and send (which can be annoying drudgery, but is better than not finding anything). I've got to call the company back and see if somebody can't supervise me cleaning out my cube tonight after hours. I asked yesterday afternoon (after applying for unemployment) and was told I should meet her Saturday morning 11 am, which is a wholly unacceptable time for me. Not only am I uncomfortable leaving my stuff unattended in the cubicle that long, but I realized I've got time conflicts that weekend with Ian's work schedule and my father-in-law helping us rebuild our deck. And I'm rambling. So I should finish reading LJ and get to work on these...
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Thoughts 150 minutes after
Posted by Lis Riba at 11:44 AM
Honestly, I'm emotionally okay. I didn't have anywhere near as much of myself or my identity invested in this job as I had in Lotus/IBM. That loss was much more devastating to my sense of self, because I'd been with the company for over ten years. I thought of myself as a Designer, and before that as a Quality Engineer, and always as a Lota. While I like the company, and really wanted to contribute to my fullest, I don't think of myself primarily as a "Product Support Professional." I'm a librarian, techie, blogger, fan of SF/F & Harry Potter, avid reader, liberal infovore... Who I am isn't as dependent upon where I work. I've been flipping thru the want ads (and some other jobhunting sites). Not a lot out there at the moment and it's May, meaning the job market is about to get flooded with new grads. On the other hand, it's also an election year. I wonder if any political campaigns are looking for full-time researcher/bloggers for the six months between now and November. And then, I could look for more permanent work that could begin after the election. A few months ago, I mused about political research & blogging. I suddenly realized that I'm now free to do so, if anybody's hiring. BTW, undauntra The Mazer Corp., an educational publishing services co., is seeking a math editor for our Boston office. The position req. strong writing & content editing skills, a familiarity w/educational philosophy, & an ability to develop engaging student & teacher materials. Secondary-level teaching exp. pref. Candidates should have knowledge of the K-12 math curriculum, current pedagogical issues, & software applications. Just FYI. PS: I dislike Blogger's new interface. I can't edit posts from Opera, only IE.
Laid Off
Posted by Lis Riba at 10:05 AM
This morning at 9:15 am, my supervisor and manager told me that I was being laid off. I'm still in shock. While I'll admit that I was thinking of leaving the company, I wanted to do so on my terms. And I really hate the way they did it. Unless they were firing for cause, Lotus/IBM gave people two weeks' notice to pack and wrap up affairs. Here, I was informed and was out the door within ten minutes. I have to make arrangements with the office staff to come back for my things. [And I have a lot of things; a few pieces of artwork, an entire shelf of business-related books from home, and I don't even want to think how much personal stuff I have on the computer.] They said it was nothing personal or about my performance, but just that the company is going through a revenue shortfall. While I was waiting in the lobby for Ian to pick me up (he had the car today; Boopsie has had accidents on our bed averaging almost every day this week, so we have a vet appointment for her), I ran into another coworker who was also let go. She said she heard that five people were going to be cut today (in a company of about sixty people or so). I suppose I'm heading over to the unemployment office this afternoon. In addition to getting no time to prepare for this, I'm also only getting one week's severance (if I sign their paperwork waiving rights, etc, within seven days). Meanwhile, this is a really tight time for us financially. Last month we repaired the holes in our roof, but we still have to rebuild the third-floor deck. We've had to have body work on our car twice in the past two months (the most recent work picked up yesterday), both for things anonymous other vehicles did to our car in parking lots. And Ian needs a new computer, since his is currently unusable. I'm more upset about losing the income and about the way it was done than about the job itself. There are some really nice people there, but the work itself felt like I was spinning my wheels. Still, after the previous year of unemployment, I no longer have the cushion of savings to keep us afloat. I've got to update my resume with the termination date for this job, but here's my job search info if you want to see what kind of thing I'm looking for and where my skills are. I'm still not going to name the company on my blog for trade secret reasons, but: RIP job: April 21, 2003 -- May 26, 2004
Cynic
Posted by Lis Riba at 8:45 AM
My clock radio is set to the local news channel. The alarm went off at the top of the hour, in the middle of the first headline: "Major terrorist attack... this summer... heightened alert... Ashcroft... FBI Director Mueller..." And as I rolled over barely-awake to hit the snooze alarm, the first thought that came to mind was "Of course they're announcing a terrorism alert. The president's approval rating just dropped to 40%." Boy, I'm such a cynic. I deeply resent the way this administration makes me feel like a nutbar conspiracy theorist.
Monday, May 24, 2004
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it
Posted by Lis Riba at 4:50 PM
Yes, I know things have been deadly quiet around here recently. I've been caught up in internal things (such as trying to write) so haven't been paying as much attention to the outside world. Also, with Ian's computer out of commission for the time being, he's been sharing my machine, so I've been further limiting my time online to be fairer to him. I've posted several announcements to Bard in Boston for upcoming Shakespeare performances & events in the Boston area. If you're interested in Shakespeare and live in New England, you should be keeping an eye on that group (It even has its own RSS feed!). And if you know of any Shakespeare-related events in the area, please post announcements. BTW, Free anti-Bush bumpersticker from MoveOn PAC. One free sticker, choice of two styles.
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